Husbands Lately, I've been a little fixated on what I don't like about life. From frustrating medical professionals, to the irritating little things my spouse does, and you know what? It has just made me feel and present myself as a boring, negative, cranky person. So even though stuff will still bother me, I'm doing my best to look at the brighter side of life.

My husband is really a sweet guy. He works all the time (he teaches high school band) so at times, I feel a bit like a single parent without the financial stress. But he tells me he loves me at least five times each day, he makes sure I know how much he appreciates me taking care of our lives while he works, and he supports me in everything I want to do in life.

How many other women have that type of love? And after being together for 11 years, how many husbands still hold "saying I love you" as a top priority?

Life will never be perfect or easy, but I sure do have a great life with this guy. And I'm so excited that our son has the chance to grow up knowing what a great and loving father is, 'cause I want our son to grow up to be that for his own kids too.

Labels: love, marriage, optimism, positive thinking, romance, work

  ¶ 2:16 PM 0 Comments

  Taking way too long I've been calling my infertility specialist's assistant/secretary for three days now, always leaving a short, friendly message that I need to set up a consultation appointment with my doctor. I only just got a call back today, and when I told her that we were interested in setting up the consult before going to any IVF seminars, she said she'd have to get back to me.

I know that this guy is busy. I think he works at two offices here in the Twin Cities. He's reknowned around, at least, the midwest, so I know his time is valuable (isn't all of ours?). I just want to sit and talk with him for 15 minutes. Crazy idea, I guess. And I'm already sensing that he'll have loads of free time when my sweet husband will be in Brasil, and not before then. I just want to set the appointment and forget about all this stuff for a month or two.

I'm beginning to agree with my husband's barber (from Egypt or around there) who thinks we Americans have life backwards. We rush and rush, making sure we have and do all these crazy things, but then act surprised when we don't have any close friends or when our families fall apart.

Labels: fertility, frustration, time, waiting

  ¶ 2:04 PM 0 Comments

  Frustration I am the first to admit that I only do my best at what I feel is important.

ie. I make sure my dogs are trained enough to comfortably live with, but they will never be waiting for me to give them a command before they act. My beagle thinks that is just fine, and she'll just go ahead and keep "cleaning up" the food that is within her reach.

On the whole fertility subject (before I'm able to give it up, I need to get things off my chest a bit) we have finished another unsuccessful attempt at getting pregnant. While there are a whole slew of reasons this try may not have worked, I am so frustrated that this was the ONLY time our nurse went to find a doctor to help.

For anyone who hasn't gone through a fertility treatment (or infertility treatment, which is more appropriate, I guess) a woman starts out with a vaginal ultrasound to see what her ovaries are doing. Then medications are administered, usually by herself or her spouse/partner, and her progress is monitored with frequent visits and ultrasounds. When her ovaries seem appropriately stimulated, a drug that initiates ovulation is administered. Two days/ 36 hours later, she and her spouse/partner go in for an insemination. It's pretty simplistic here, but the hormonal influx and scheduling challenges really make life insane.

We did all that, and I am so upset. Before we started the infertility treatments 3 years ago, tests found that I had a tipped uterus, which is within a normal range for the placement of a uterus. This tipping does cause a curve in the cervix as it enters the uterus. Pretty basic stuff. After my pregnancy two years ago, my cervix also apparently got longer. I don't understand that part, but it was also known prior to starting this series of attempts.

After all this knowledge about the challenges my body was presenting, I still had only nurses doing the actual inseminations. The first time, I thought the nurse was going to cry because she was having such a tough time getting the tubing to pass through into my uterus. She finally found a more experienced nurse to take over, but I think she had botched it before then. The second time, the same inexperienced nurse did the whole thing, and said it was tough but went well. The third time, we had a very experienced nurse, who after she had two attempts, she said this was too difficult. She actually went to find a doctor to do the insemination! Hallelujah that there is actually someone who put the importance of the procedure before their own ego.

I know in some jobs, having an off day just means that you didn't finish everything, or that a few customers went home without the best service. But with the fertility part of the medical profession, all treatments are expensive and the emotional toll the process takes on patients is excruciating. We go in soon to discuss this last series of attempts with our doctor. I can't wait for him to tell me that I should have gotten pregnant, because I have a pretty strong argument as to why I haven't.

Labels: best effort, fertility, frustration, infertility, professional

  ¶ 3:22 PM 0 Comments

  Fertility Patience Okay, so the hubby and I have been going through fertility treatments. The same treatments brought us our two year old son, so we know that they can work. The medications, this time around, seemed to make my body react more quickly. But we are, again, waiting on our third-try lab date to find out if this worked. I'm just frustrated and impatient (and moody).

I was raised by a very matter-of-fact mom in a Catholic home here in MN. If that doesn't mean anything to you, it was a environment where you learned not to put too much hope in the best outcomes, because 1) they don't often happen that way 2) you don't really deserve them and 3) you might just be asking for trouble.

So I hold onto the reality that fertility concerns are more an issue of cosmetics. I will not die because this treatment didn't work. We already have a wonderful son who is healthy, happy and intelligent beyond his years. No matter what happens, there are always children right here in MN who would love to be adopted into our happy (if not quirky) home.

So today, I hold onto the hope that I will have the gift of being pregnant again. I honestly look at all the wonderful blessings we enjoy each day. I thank God for our challenges, because they help us to appreciate what we have, and make us more empathic/sympathetic towards those dealing with challenge in their life. And I wait. And I learn that life passes by quickly enough without wishing days away. And I wait.

And I try to find more and more things to keep me BUSY so the waiting is not the most difficult thing in the world.

Labels: challenge, difficulty, fertility, infertility, patience, thankfullness

  ¶ 3:41 PM 0 Comments

  Am I a Bad Person? I try to do all that I can to learn about good nutrition, healthy living, the environment, and all that. I try my best not to take it to the extreme, which can at times, be a little difficult. I'm also a pretty slow moving person, so by the time I really get going on something, most people already know as much as I do about it. So am I a bad person when I, at least in my own head, think less of a person who chooses not to do what I think is right? I'm not talking about walking or biking to work; I'm not talking about eating only things that don't have eyes. I'm just talking about the little things we are all asked to do, like recycle. Everyone's garbage hauler provides you with a recycling bin, and ours doesn't even ask you to separate out anything. Just dump it all in and pull it to the curb on garbage day. No big effort on anyone's part.

So when I talk to people who are surprised that my family recycles as much as possible (cereal, tooth paste, etc. boxes, as well as junk mail, store bags, and the rest of the normal stuff) I'm a little taken aback. I just don't understand how a person can be so unthoughtful (is that a word?) or self-centered that they just dump everything they no longer want into a plastic bag and send it off to a landfill.

And throwing out clothing is another huge peave of mine. Why would you give up the tax write off of donating those clothes to a charity? Many charities here in MN will even provide you with a plastic bag, and will drive over to your house to pick up your unwanted but still usable clothing and household items.

But then, I hear this little voice in my head, closely resembling my mother's, that asks me if I know all the troubles that other people deal with every day, possibly causing them to overlook recycling and reusing stuff. And I have to say that no, I don't know what problems could cause you to avoid such an easy thing. But maybe I need to find out.

Any ideas?

Labels: charity, healthy living, nutrition, peave, recycle, reuse

  ¶ 3:15 PM 0 Comments

  Laundry that Torments Me So now I've officially moved into adulthood in all its monotony. As a work-my-butt-off-at-home-raising-my-son Mom, my daily struggles are far from the topics of dealing with office politics, and keeping my resume current. My big challenge lately has been laundry.

I've pretty much always been the laundry-doing half in our marriage, which for the most part is just fine. My husband is a teacher, so occassionally he'll have a pen mark on his pants, or a small coffee spill to deal with. I've got those stains down pretty well. (Pen marks come out after a good dousing of hairspray. Coffee just needs a cocktail of laundry detergent and dish soap -like Dawn NOT cascade.)

Now we've got a soon-to-be two year old. He's a pretty mellow kid overall, and is about as far from the "Pigpen" Peanuts character as you can get without having serious issues. But he's discovered all sorts of things lately, and his clothes have become a storyline for his latest adventures. I think I missed out on the stain removal class in home ec. My mom also forgot to pass down her stain removal expertise. I sit and look at a little white shirt with a Jackson Pollock design of avocado, water paint, Halloween candy shell, and a few mystery components, and I'm at a loss. I treat the whole thing with laundry detergent, scrubbed with a little scrubber brush. I wash it, and check it before I through it in the drier. Some stains are gone, but many remain, though faded from their prewashed glory. I rub two stain removers on the still wet stains, wash only whites and add a little bleach. The stains come out of this experience more faded, but holding fast. I give up for today, leave the wet shirt on the washer and move on with my day.

Little do I know that this stubborn shirt is now talking to my own clothes as they hang out together in the laundry room. Now the otherwise average stains on my favorite white shirt no longer come out. And because I know they usually do come out, I don't check the shirt before I through it into the drier, and the stains are set for life.

I guess I'll either inhabit the basement laundry room like a mad scientist, or my family will wear our stained clothing with our heads held high. The stains are clean, we are clean, and gosh darn it, people like us!

Labels: clean, laundry, monotony, Pigpen, stain remover, stains

  ¶ 2:29 PM 0 Comments

  Autumn Fun I live in Minnesota, a state that I believe is the most beautiful state to live in. **Though I LOVE to visit other states that are beautiful and fun, too. The hubby and I just finished raking leaves today in prep for the winter snows. (For anyone who hasn't enjoyed a winter in the northern states, here it usually doesn't snow enough to accumulate until about the end of December. A surprise for anyone who thinks it's winter white up here from about October to May.) I love Autumn and can't wait until the snow flies and winter sets in. I'm done sweating while breathing for another year, and I am in love with the outdoors once again.

Anyone else love the cool weather?

*And sorry to you who took on the project of my previous post. I can get a little long winded. :)  ¶ 2:33 PM 0 Comments

  Why I'm a Breastfeeing Bee-otch Why I am a Breastfeeding B*tch

*Each parent has a myriad of choices when they enter into this whole parenthood thing. As my husband and I entered into parenthood with our first (and currently only) child, I began to realize the lack of grrrl power behind the idea of breastfeeding. I am a breastfeeding advocate, who does her best each day in regards to raising a capable and compassionate son, being a productive world citizen, and being a fun person to be around. This essay was written to help me put my feelings into words; to more strongly state what I have been thinking about for a few years (or more) now; and to give a stronger attitude to the breastfeeding “movement” or parenting choice. If you don’t agree, then kudos to you for having an opinion. Share your thoughts if they are productive, critical, AND respectful. Bonus points if your thoughts are funny. I surely try to be all those. I am a mother, a graduate student in Early Education, and am absolutely NOT a medical professional in any way. I do have a great deal of common sense (which I ‘ve found to not be so common) and feel that sometimes, I need to share a bit of that with the world.

First, let me tell you that I am not currently breastfeeding my son. He is 23 months old, and is too busy to be bothered to sit down for a feeding. We ended our breastfeeding partnership on August 10, 2006, with a mutual decision that it was time. (He only nursed in the middle of the night, and he started to sleep through the night on his own.) That said, I want to share (or at least write this down for myself) why I am so adamant that all mothers should commit to breastfeeding their children for at least 6 months.

I abide by the laws of parenthood. These are:
1. Parenthood is inconvenient.
2. Parenthood is humbling.
3. Parenthood is expensive.
4. Parenthood is a learning experience (everyday in every way).
5. Parenthood doesn’t require us to be perfect, but does require us to do our best.

I also abide by the laws of breastfeeding. These are:
1. Breastmilk is free.
2. Breastmilk is best.
3. Breastmilk is (almost) always available, in the amount my baby needs to grow and develop.
4. Breastfeeding is only difficult if you make it difficult (most often).
5. Breastmilk is mobile (and doesn’t have to always come straight from breast to mouth!)

We, as humans, were created much like the animals that surround us. We carry our offspring in utero for almost a year, and give birth to small, helpless infants. These babies rely on us, and by ‘us’ I focus mostly on mothers at least for the first months to a year, for everything necessary for survival and bonding.

This includes milk. Our bodies produce it, regardless of whether we plan to use it or not. This milk is designed, by God, by Nature, by our bodies (pick one or more) as a perfect first food for our child. It’s amazing! It contains all the necessary nutrients for a human being, and includes extras like our adult antibodies to protect our children from illness and infection. This milk is also the most easily digested food, as it is quickly absorbed by the baby’s digestive tract, and does little to no damage to anything it touches. (On the inside or outside of our new little people). Mother’s milk gives a newborn child a taste of what the mother is currently eating, which gives them an introduction into the culinary culture they are born into. Babies already have had a taste of these foods while being carried in the uterus, as the amniotic fluid contains many of the same spices, flavors and aromatics that our adult diets are rich in. (Just ask a delivering OB doctor if they’ve ever delivered a child from a mother who eats a lot of garlic or cumin- both aromas have been noted as present in the amniotic fluid.)

Okay, so we’ve got the milk for our babies. I know, for lots of us, the milk comes in late (mine came in on my son’s fourth day of life - a girlfriend’s milk came in on her daughter’s ninth day) and we are forced to use a stand-in (a.k.a. formula). I don’t think that formula used in this way is a bad thing. Formula is a way that we can make sure our children will survive until our milk supply arrives in a sustainable amount for our babies to grow and develop with. I can understand that there are many women/ new mothers out there that don’t have a great support system out there for nursing. My own mother was a La Leche League leader, and I still felt a bit “on my own” when defending my “choice” to others.

For those women who feel like nursing won’t be well tolerated by those around you, so you choose formula instead, then why are you becoming a parent? I mean, seriously, I have had to make decisions every day of my son’s life that meant that those around me might not love what we are doing. That, in and of itself, is a big part of parenting: doing what is best for your child regardless of how the rest of the group, community, state, country reacts. Right? If your baby has a dirty diaper, would you consider not changing it because the sight or smell of it will infringe on someone else’s comfort? No! You just make sure you are in a more private location, that’s all. If my son is screaming for a toy or a candy bar at Target, should I cave in and buy him one because his behavior is making the people around me uncomfortable? No! And most of those around you are not actually uncomfortable, but are thinking back to their own lives when they were in the same position.

And, then I wonder, what if these “hesitant to breastfeed” women just need someone out there to lean on? Ask questions of? Make sure they are normal? Keep from totally freaking out? Well, I say, then all you have to do is talk to another mother. I have found that MOST mothers have at least tried breastfeeding. If I already know that someone thinks (crazily) that breastfeeding is gross or whatever, then I don’t talk with them about any issues I’m having, because they will most likely just tell me to stop and use formula. Mothering groups (MOPS, MOMs, etc.) are great support systems where mothers get together to talk about how challenging and rewarding parenthood can be. Neighbors are great sources of help and information. And, well, the INTERNET is also always there. Seek out reliable sources. There are La Leche League meetings, usually about once a month in most communities around the nation. There are also Early Childhood/ Family Education programs (also known as ECFE) that can either provide you with support or connect you with someone who can. Most hospitals now have a permanent lactation consultant available for large blocks of time everyday, if not twenty-four hours. Really, all you have to do is ask and “ye shall receive.”

So you figure that you can probably find people to support breastfeeding, but what’s in it for you?
1. Well, the best thing that I got out of it was weight loss. I weighed about 148lbs. when I conceived my son, and then gained about 35 pounds during my pregnancy. After my son and I had gotten the hang of breastfeeding, and were getting pretty good at it, I noticed that I had lost weight. Throughout my almost two years of breastfeeding, I maintained a weight of about 133lbs. I do NOT diet, though I try to eat the best, balanced diet I can. I love sweets, and for the first months of my son’s life, I ate anything that I could hold with one hand. *Sad to say that my 3 months post-lactation have allow me to put back that glorious 15lbs.
2. Another great by-product of breastfeeding is that it helps to balance your hormones a lot faster after pregnancy. I do not intend to make you believe that if you breastfeed, you will not have to worry about having the baby blues, or sliding much deeper into post-partum depression. But breastfeeding does have some notable effects on that whole continuum, and fewer mothers describe experiencing greater depression symptoms if they are breastfeeding.
3. You become tuned in to your baby’s needs. Your body will, at first, instinctively jump into milk production mode every time your little bundle makes a wanton squeek. After a few weeks to months, your body relies more on your ears to hear for the differences between cries or communications. You will know that every time you feed your child, and attend to her/his needs, you are creating a world for her/him that is dependable and safe. You will not need to set your hungry and sad infant down as you mix up a bottle of formula. You will just need to find a comfortable spot to sit and snuggle for about 10-15 minutes (on average). And how many times do we, as women, take a fifteen minute break from the world to just sit and adore our little creation? Those first years fly by, amazingly without much sleep on our part, and we will never again know the joy of holding our small daughter or son, as they sleep with a full and contented belly.
4. You won't have to pack bottles, formula, water, and all that stuff when you travel (or go shopping, or to the doctor, or to a friend's). All you'll need are baby's regular supplies, and breastpads. And isn't it already amazing enough all the gear your baby seems to need?
5. A big benefit for everyone involved: it's free. And not only will you save the $$$ otherwise to be spent on formula, you'll also be saving the environment from all the wastes and energies spent making and transporting formula. No cans to store in your always too small kitchen cabinets. No tracking to make sure you have enough on hand. No coupons to clip. No testing new formulas to see if one works better for your baby. (Though some women may need to alter their diets a bit to make baby's tummy a little happier.)

Some may tell you that formula fed babies will sleep through the night. There is little proof to this myth, and one should note that the medical phrase “sleeping through the night” only requires that a child sleep for five consequtive hours. The thought behind formula creating longer sleepers may lie partly in the fact that formula in difficult for small digestive systems to utilize. It sits in the digestive system for longer periods, and may cause a child to feel hungry less often. Formula is linked to more digestive issues, such as constipation, gas, spitting up, and offensive odors of both spit-up AND bowel movements.

Breastfed babies may require feedings to occur more often, but are more relaxed once fed, and have fewer issues with digestion. And, over my years of caring for many other babies, the whole poo and burp smell issues are well founded and backed by the sweet smell of a breastfed baby!

So if you are thinking of breastfeeding, by all means DO IT! You'll never feel regret that you made this choice, and you'll be amazed by all the wonderful benefits that it gives you.

Oh, and husbands enjoy the benefits of a breastfeeding wife: a) larger breasts b) taking on their responsibility to 'train' the baby to take a bottle (mom's can't really do this since they are the source of the milk) c) bigger boobs d) a happier baby e) bigger boobs f) thinner wife ...etc.

Labels: best practice, breastfeeding, breastfeeding bitch, breastmilk, health, milk, mother, parenthood

  ¶ 2:33 PM 0 Comments